Dagdha's Blog

Career Fear

Posted in Uncategorized by dagdha on October 3, 2011

I find myself at a crossroad I know has been coming for some time, and like most unpleasant activities, I have put off thinking about it until that last possible second when direct action is required.  So now I am faced with the decision whether to continue my existing job and transfer down to Orange County in the spring, where I’ll have a stable occupation living in a place I love, or switch careers to become a professional trainer and martial arts instructor, which lacks a guaranteed income and effectively cements me to this suicidal paragon of self-righteous suburban narcissism, affectionately called “Awesometown,” but provides me with a job I enjoy and won’t inevitably end in benzodiazepine addiction.

I’ve already made my decision and know that I’ll be starting my NASM certification next month, but the intervening 28 days will be filled with questions and uncertainty, especially as Europe’s economy is hemorrhaging and an inevitable second recession looms nigh.  I’ll climb cliffs, ride motorcycles at speeds that guarantee death, or fight someone who outweighs me by a hundred pounds, but money scares me more than anything else, especially in this politically unstable time.  Perhaps the fear is a result of my accountant father, although I tend to think it’s because the analogy of (student) debt and slavery feels all too accurate.

It’s been almost two years since I left school, and the parasitic effect of wasting my days in passionless work is tangible.  The optimism I once had for the future has been replaced with anxiety and apathy, despite the luxury of economic stability.  Idly continuing down the same path would be recklessly irresponsible, but existential logic does little to assuage the fear of economic uncertainty.  In the end I’ll probably vanquish my fear in the usual manner – with a healthy dose of optimism, close friends, and typically a park.

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