Dagdha's Blog

Journal Update

Posted in Uncategorized by dagdha on June 13, 2011

I think one of the biggest hindrances I face with my writing is the compulsive need to have a well-defined, predetermined theme or idea before I even begin, which needs to change.

I recently watched Howl, a brilliant film about the life of Allen Ginsberg portrayed by one of my favorite actors, James Franco.  I’ve always liked Ginsberg’s poetry, but I’ll shamefully admit I knew very little about the man.  One of the things he – or at least his character – said that struck me in a moment of daft realization was that writing requires hours of continuous execution in order to enter the proper mindset, a zen mode of producing words on paper.  Like any sport, it’s not something that can be picked up and worked on for 30 minutes or an hour, at least not if one wants to produce naturally flowing words straight from one’s consciousness. (I’ll include the actual quote when I have time find it later). So, I’ve decided that at LEAST twice a week I have to write for a minimum of 2 hours – even if the end result is nothing but a clusterfuck of my own neurosis.

Recently a lot has been happening.  I’m finally moving in the next month, and I cannot wait!  I have a roommate I am confident I will get along with well, and the idea of having an actual home again, not just a residence, is exciting and comforting.  I’m confident that my newfound freedom will be the renewed genesis of my artistic core – free to openly expresses myself without the need to maintain the respectful decorum required around my overly sheltered, conservative family.

Once I’m completely settled, I hope to start working ardently on my drawing and painting, in addition to my writing.  I love to write because it allows me an uninhibited outlet for expression, but I feel that it falls short in comparison to visual mediums.  I think that words are extremely powerful, but they lack the universality of what can be seen with the eye.  Words are limited not only by language, but also by the signifier construct of their signified (although I realize a picture is just another signifier).

For the first time since college, I don’t have a plan for where I want to be professionally six months or a year from now, but I’m almost excited about that.  I don’t believe that goals are always meant to be achieved and that their inherent value is the journey towards reaching them.  For years and years I’ve worked towards becoming an academic, a research professor at a university, though the hope has all but died, in large part due to the fucked up state of our country.  Regardless, the things I did in pursuit of that goal, like starting AHUA or making the strong effort to know my professors, have paid off in ways I never expected.  At this point I’m looking for new things to reach for, but not having any professional goals at the moment is somewhat liberating and exciting.


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